Quick Tips to Transform Your Sex Life

As you explore sexual intimacy with your partner(s), it’s essential to navigate the complex dynamics of desire and pleasure. Two crucial aspects of this exploration involve the concepts of sexual brakes and sexual accelerators. These two concepts shed light on the factors that can either enhance or hinder your sexual experiences.

Creating the right context–an environment that makes you feel excited for sex and uninhibited by what your brain sees as threats–is the best way to ensure great sex. There often isn’t really a lack of desire—just an abundance of the wrong contextual factors, like stress, body image issues, or cultural messages. And all of these things can inhibit one’s desire for sex.

As Emily Nagoski states in her book, Come As You Are, she says that “The problem isn’t the desire itself, it’s the context. You need more sexually relevant stimuli activating the accelerator and fewer things hitting the brake.”

Per Nagoski, there are two parts to sexual response and desire which is called the dual control model: 1) the sexual accelerator (the gas pedal) and 2) the sexual brake. The accelerator responds to all the sexually relevant information in the environment — everything you see, hear, touch, smell, taste, or imagine that your brain codes as sexually relevant and it sends the “turn on” signal. At the same time that’s happening, the brake is noticing all of the very good reasons not to be turned on right now — everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste or imagine – that’s a potential threat, and it sends a signal that says “turn off.” Simply put, to improve your sexual experience you need to turn on the accelerators and turn off the brakes. In order to do this well, you must have an understanding of what the accelerators and brakes are for you and your partner(s).

Understanding Sexual Brakes

Sexual brakes refer to the psychological, emotional, or environmental factors that can inhibit or slow down sexual arousal–the things that turn you off. These brakes vary among individuals and include things like stress, anxiety, body image issues, or past traumas. It’s crucial to recognize and communicate your sexual brakes to ensure a consensual and satisfying experience for all partners.

Managing Stress and Anxiety:

Stress and anxiety are common sexual brakes that can negatively impact sexual arousal. Prioritize self-care and stress management techniques, such as mindfulness, exercise, or seeking professional support when needed. By addressing these issues, you can create a better environment for sexual exploration and enjoyment.

Body Positivity:

Body image concerns can act as significant brakes on sexual arousal. Embracing body positivity and self-acceptance is vital for cultivating a healthy sexual mindset. Instead of being critical of your body, focus on appreciating your body and the pleasure it can give you, which can foster a positive environment for intimacy.

Understanding Sexual Accelerators

On the flip side, sexual accelerators are factors that heighten sexual arousal and desire–the things that turn you on. These can include physical touch, positive emotions, or the anticipation of novelty. Young adults can enhance their sexual experiences by identifying and incorporating these accelerators into their relationships.

Experimentation and Novelty:

Embracing novelty and exploring new experiences can act as powerful sexual accelerators for many people. This doesn’t necessarily mean engaging in extreme activities, but rather introducing variety and creativity into the relationship. Trying new things together can foster excitement and deepen intimacy.

Emotional Connection:

If having a strong emotional connection is a sexual accelerator for you, try engaging in activities that strengthen emotional intimacy, such as deep conversations and shared experiences.

Communication is Key

Open communication is the cornerstone of a healthy sexual relationship. You should feel empowered to discuss your desires, preferences, and boundaries with your partner(s). Creating a safe and nonjudgmental space for open dialogue helps in understanding each other’s sexual accelerators and brakes and promoting mutual respect and consent. Remember, understanding and respecting each other’s boundaries is fundamental to a healthy sexual relationship

Conclusion

Navigating sexual brakes and accelerators is a crucial aspect of a fulfilling sexual relationship. By fostering open communication, addressing individual brakes, and incorporating accelerators, you can create positive and enjoyable sexual experiences that contribute to your overall well-being.

Reference

Nagoski, E. (2015). Come As You Are. The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.